So this week, I finally met Cameron Diaz. And it didn’t go that great.
It was at the Union Square signing of her author debut, The Body Book. I wanted to review it for Zenfulie and in my head, and I don’t know why, I just assumed it would go amazing. I thought I’d ask a super brilliant question during Q&A and when I came to get my book signed, she’d remember me and say, “Thank you so much, girl! I love your curls!” And afterwards we’d have beers at the bar around the corner, swap stories about funny European penises and then make plans to hang out this summer.
While I did actually get to ask a question, the truth is she hardly heard it. I got so nervous that my diaphragm jumped halfway down my lower intestines as soon the mic was put in front of me, making me barely audible past a 3 feet circumference. (Side note: When she says “Huh” everyone laughs and it sounds super cute.)
And then, for some God only knows why reason, I decided to have the book signed to Zenfulie instead of me. I got the insane idea that it would be a fun image to go with this article. But instead, it totally made the two Barnes & Noble facilitators in charge of the line go like this:
Which immediately made me go like this:
… right as I stumbled in front of Ms. Diaz, herself. I don’t know why, but the look on their faces totally caught me off guard and insta-shamed me. Is Zenfulie a weird name? Is it weird to address a book to a blog? I mean, it’s not a JK signing for Harry Potter Eight: The Quest To Fatherhood, it’s just a damn health book! Why judge me?!
Anyway, I managed to mumble out “Hi” and something else weird that made poor Cameron go “Huh?” for the second time that night. But it was more like a “What the hell did you just say”? kinda huh. Not as cute, but I don’t blame her. I am pretty sure in my insta-shame, I totally blacked out and made zero sense whatsoever.
It took me a few days to recover from the incident. I came to write a blog post with a few good quotes and left empty-handed. What I couldn’t figure out was when I morphed from wanting to recommend a book into a wannabe New York Times reporter? What was that?! I completely lost sight of why I was there very quickly, among the paparazzi cameras and the twitter buzz and the SEO possibilities. I never wanted to write 800 words about how flawless her ponytail looked. I wanted to write about how her book coincides with all that I know about nutrition, and how I thought it could be helpful for everyone getting started on their weight loss goals this month. I didn’t need any quotes or pictures to do that.
So what the hell happened?
Two things. One — I got side tracked. Big time. Which just happens sometimes when we are enthusiastic without a real plan for implementation. When we are working on our goals, we gotta check every decision we make at the mental door: Why am I doing this? Does this align with what I really am working towards here? I totally forgot to do that. If I hadn’t, I could have enjoyed that experience in a much different way. I could have said something encouraging, thanked her for my book, told her hair did look really cute and then just peaced out.
The second thing I did, which is the worst in my opinion, was let other people’s weird ass, unsolicited opinions throw me off my game. Who cares if the Barnes & Nobles people looked at me sideways? It’s none of their business how I wanted my book signed. Why did I let that throw me off? After all, I was just trying to write an article, which has been my goal for the past year. And here I was doing it. Living the dream! So why mess that up for some stranger’s judgement I don’t actually care about.
In retrospect, this was an awesome lesson for Zenfulie and myself. Effort without concise direction is like piss all over a bathroom wall. To give our dreams the utmost diligence, we have to commit to memory why we want them in the first place. If we do, no book signing, or cheeseburger, or skinny jeans sale can sway you wrong. And should opinions get in the way like they did for me, try to remember that when we perceive something negatively, it really is only our own perception. For all I know, one of those Barnes & Noble’s people could have just farted and they were just making faces at the smell. Prolly not the case, but you never know. I’m worth the benefit of the doubt.
And, in case you were wondering, her book is lovely. It was not a diet book, or a how to be skinny like me book. When I asked her about the process of making the book, she said she worked closely with nutritionists and friends to refine all of her philosophies on wellness and put them into one cohesive narrative.It’s an effort well worth it, as Diaz’s book is both insightful and sound in research. If you are looking for something to really kick-start your health goals this season, you could do no wrong by beginning here.
Available on Amazon, where the computer never judges you for what you click on.