The Illusion of Feeling Alone

Laura, by Vilmos Aba-Novák source

Laura, by Vilmos Aba-Novák source

A friend of mine asked me how I was feeling yesterday. We had just spent forty minutes catching up and discussing the current events of my life — where I am exhausted, overwhelmed, and yet freakishly determined. However, those didn’t seem to be the right answers to say in the moment, so instead I went with, “I think I’m just sad.”

It’s a strange feeling when someone understands exactly what you mean. Immediately, he was able to connect all the dots: between my three massive projects and all the energy they required, he noticed a loneliness was starting to settle on my already fragile heart. And because of this, a new fear was blooming around an idea that I would have to move towards my goals all on my own.

The Shoe Reversed
As he spoke (and I cried a little), I remembered being in a similar situation with a friend a few weeks ago. Sobbing in my arms, she was convinced the challenges in her life were becoming too much to handle. She was feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and very determined to succeed as well, but to what end she could not define. However what she could define, very clearly, was that she didn’t want to be alone forever.

Kissing her hair and holding her tight, it was easy to recognize what her emotions really were about — each were highly dramatized and very elaborate illusions derived from all her worst fears. Like a negative daydream gone off the rails, she was living like all her nightmares were happening to her right now, sending her into a tailspin sure to damage all the things she had been working so hard for. After highlighting the true source of her anxiety, however, she was sort of amazed that I could really understand her position. However, all I really did was simply identify our unity in that behavior. Because, I definitely do the same thing, too.

Defining What’s Real
“It is the weirdest illusion we make — our separateness,” my friend concluded on the phone. And in a strange way, I think this is very true. Wayne Dyer often said that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. And in this experience, I have found, that our pain is brilliant at conjuring the illusion that we are all separate. That we are going through our lives alone — as if no one could fully understand the complexities of who we are, and the circumstances we have found ourselves in. And that is simply just not true.

If you are starting to feel isolation in your current circumstances, try to reach for unity. Find another spiritual being that can actually hear you. Preferably someone that can remove themselves from their own human experiences and remind you of the truth of who you are — that you are perfect. (And if you silence the fears that are governing your anxieties you will understand those three words are true.) Sometimes this could mean just finding a friend to chat with. In my case, it was suggested I find a professional female mentor. Someone who could speak to the occasional isolation leadership pathways can create and how to navigate through those illusions.

And if there is no one readily available, keep yourself open to eventually finding that someone to talk with (or, shit, you can just reach out to me). But, seriously, believe that person exists. When you’ve changed the lens in which you perceive the world, and identify with your true connectedness, you’ll be surprised at the articles that show up in your feeds or conversations you’ll suddenly overhear. Kind of like reading this article right now and being on If nothing else, this site will reinforce, thoroughly, you’re not alone in how you feel and what struggles you’re going through. Feel the joy in that. Take a new perspective — and then go find your tribe.

Suggested Reading: The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle



  1. Thank you so much for this brilliant piece. As I sat sick with a bug..feeling alone and overwhelmed, spirit lead me to this post. It is definitely a direct result of me recently changing my perspective. I could go on, and on but hopefully I’ll get to do that in person soon.

  2. Sharon alupo

    Great… That feeling of loneliness is
    the weirdest. Thanks for this

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