We talk funny.
Quick to say the things that we don’t really mean. Slow to share the words we deeply long to say.
It’s bizarre. An unconscious self-sabotage of sorts.
Like we momentarily (and conveniently) believe that have all of space and time to grow our relationships, and therefore they can withstand the occasional misdirection of our chatter or the absence of our attention. Like we have time to figure it out, play around and apologize later if we needed to.
And yet, simultaneously, stuffed way in the back of our minds somewhere, we know this is simply not true. That luxury is an illusion that is not real – at all.
We know that every misplaced word, albeit a snarky joke, a piece of gossip, a scolding text or a drunk insult will make a small incision on the spirit of the person on the receiving end. And though often people forgive tiny slips like these, it isn’t without great effort. Forgiveness does not always come easy and cheap.
Worse are the words withheld when we need to hear them the most; the grand gestures, the equalizers, the deepest and truest words we can share with one another. Their absence can punch a hole inside the heart that can take sometimes years to fill. And by making the conscious choice to withhold these words, especially when you know better, you not only put the chance of forgiveness at risk, but also your credibility, trust and everything cue that signifies to another person “I am someone that’s good! Do not throw me away!”
And so the truth of talking so weird becomes this — by not saying what you mean, you don’t get what you want. If you keep scraping and punching at your relationships long enough, eventually you won’t even recognize what you have — if you are left with anything at all.
So, to prevent ourselves from not manifesting the kind of relationships we really long for, we have to take some time to really think about our words. And above all, especially this holiday season, to use the following words as often as possible, whenever they are needed. Because you don’t have forever. And our relationships aren’t promised to be in our lives forever. While you can have the opportunity to manifest something great now, take it, before it’s too late.
A great gift when said with the conviction to truly make a change for the better, and not just to transport the situation out of a place of extreme discomfort. It won’t kill you to admit that you only did the best you could; that at the time you made a poor decision, but looking back you would not have made the same choice. And going forward you will not make the same mistake again. It’s simple, and holistically healing to every relationship. Practice it often until you rarely have to say the words at all.
I Miss You
It’s the easiest way to let someone know that they mean something to you. And when someone knows they mean something to you, they’re willing to do almost anything for you.
I Love You
Love has never caused you harm. Its opposite, fear, has probably caused you a shit ton of problems. It is understandable (and perhaps sometimes advisable) to run from actions or people who are steeped in fear based. But to withhold the word that is your natural state of being (your homeostasis, what you are made of, the purest energy, the white light) because you think it will harm you, make no sense. Love can only be love, which is why you naturally want to run towards it. So do that. And leave your fears in a box, in the dust, miles behind you.
I Am Wrong
Because sometimes you are. And it’s allowed. You aren’t perfect, nor is it a requirement in this lifetime for you to be. Any one who expects this of you, and expresses this to you, is only projecting an internal insecurity of where they think they have failed in this life. You don’t have to receive that information. Like wilted lettuce in a salad, you can simply pick it off your plate and keep on moving. But free yourself from the ideology that perfect is attainable. Enjoy being human.
I Don’t Know
Again, sometimes you don’t know. It’s a more respected answer than you think. Saying I don’t know, but I want to. Or I’ll look that up and get back to you. Or even asking what someone else may think, are all acceptable and fine answers. Again, free yourself from the ideology that perfect is attainable. Enjoy being human and the gift that is learning.
For Jo & Steph
Cover Image Source
This photograph depicts a man and a woman kissing, with the woman possibly on board the tug CHAMPION. The CHAMPION was built for J & A Brown of Newcastle, New South Wales in 1895 and has been described as Australia’s foremost tug of its time. It was used for difficult and deep sea towing and salvage jobs. It went as far afield as New Zealand, Fiji, and New Caledonia in its career from 1895 to 1954.