Let’s Get Real: Why It’s Important to Express Your Needs in the Bedroom


Having sex is already awkward enough without talking about what you want. However, expressing your needs in the bedroom is a vital part of communicating with your partner. If you’re able to talk about sex, you soon realize that you can really start talking about everything else too. And eventually, all needs are met when there’s open communication between two people — including what you want going on in the bedroom. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Be honest about what you want and what you don’t want
Telling your partner what you’re in to sexually opens up a multi-dimensional door into your relationship. You’re directly expressing what gets you off, which opens up the feeling that you know you can be honest with the person. It reaffirms the safe space that you already share and that sexual experience should happen in.

So does being honest about what isn’t working. Speak up when you don’t like something, because there’s a good chance they are going to think that this is their magic move – that you’re totally into it because you haven’t said otherwise. This level of honesty lifts the awareness of yourself, and when you can connect with that side of your spirituality, you are being your true, whole self. Which is the best way of experiencing sex – when you are able to bring your most honest self to the table.

HELLO! Better sex for everyone involved
Sex is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be a freeing experience full of passion. However, what works with one partner might not work with the other — everyone is different. So being able to speak up about what gets you off… literally will get you off. When you talk about what makes you orgasm with your partner, it takes a lot of the pressure and second-guessing of the experience. In my experience, the times where we openly spoke about what we were into were the times I had great sex. Isn’t open communication a beautiful thing?

Your happiness is on the line here
When you’re not expressing what makes you happy in an open way, then you’re the one that suffers the most. Without an integrated part of this honesty and openness with yourself, not only are you going to have mediocre or bad sex for the rest of your life (THE HORROR), but you’re repressing a side of you that is very much important and a serious part of who you are.

Sexual exploration does not need to be something that we’re afraid of – it should be freely expressed and the shift in conversation is important. Talking about your wants, needs, and freely admitting you WANT these things is an important part of your being. It also isn’t fair to hide a part of who you are and what you enjoy for whomever you’re with – they are there to please you just as much as you are there to please them.

Expressing your needs helps your partner just as much as it helps you – they get off when you do, remember?! Giving this openness a chance is the biggest step in having the sex life you want.


Cover Image Source
By: Jean-Christophe Destailleur, Nude recumbent woman

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