Issue 19: Better Friendships

Better Friendships

Throughout their entire vacation she had not slept well, and this morning was no exception. Peeling herself from the twin hostel mattresses, she looked around the empty room and wondered where her two friends had gone so early in the morning.

Breakfast, she figured. Finding clean shirt in her backpack, she got changed and went down the stairs to find her friends. Just before reaching the last step, she heard her own name and friends laughing hysterically through the thin, hostel walls. Following an intuitive impulse, she stopped walking and listened.

“And did you see what she was wearing at the museum yesterday? It’s like she has zero self awareness about herself,” one of them said. “Ugh, I know. She’s such a weirdo,” laughed the other. “I wish we could just leave her. I don’t  care how famous her mom is, that girl was talking to a guy way out of her league last night. So embarrassing!”

The bashing continued a few minutes longer, before switching to how terrible the food was in Spain. Making her way back up the stairs and into the hard mattress that woke her up in the first place, she ran through the conversation in tears. Never had she felt so betrayed, heartbroken, trapped and alone before.

A few minutes later the door swung open. “Oh! Sorry, Miss,” said a male voice. “I thought this room was empty and going with the Hostel trip.” She flipped herself over, wiping tears from her cheeks. “What trip?” she asked.

“The trip to Sevilla. The hostel gives free day trip tours and sometimes people stay a few nights in our hostel down there.  It leaves in five minutes.”

Eyeing her friend’s bags and belongings scattered around the room, and then back at the man’s puzzled face, she suddenly found herself following a second intuitive moment. “Tell them I’m coming and to not leave without me. I’ll be there in four!”

It took her only two minutes to pack, ten seconds to blow her nose in her friend’s cotton Gucci shirt, and forty seconds to explain her absence from the rest of the trip. “Overheard your convo this morning,” she wrote. “Broke my heart. Then I moved on — literally — to Sevilla. Not sorry about the shirt. Not sorry I met you. Am sorry you missed the chance to love someone who truly loved you. One day you’ll look back and regret this deeply.”

As the bus pulled away, she saw her friends leaving the table and walking their way back up the stairs. She relaxed into the physical action of moving away from her troubles — in a way she actually felt good about. She expressed herself, kept it mature, and removed herself from a situation she didn’t have to be in. Before long she found herself humming the lyrics from one of her mother’s platinum album songs, that always seemed to bring her comfort in times like these.
You don’t got to love me.
No, you don’t have to like me.
But loving myself
ain’t got shit to do
with the thoughts runnin’ in your mind.

I was born in a revival
And I just can’t stop my knowing
That lovin’ myself
ain’t got shit to do
with the thoughts runnin’ in your mind.”




Being The Outsider 

Occasionally, we all go through phases of feeling outside of our group. Maybe they’re texting without you being in the thread. Or there’s a party you weren’t invited to. And that scenario, coupled with our desire to be liked, can sometimes get a little out of control.  We start imagining that people hate us, or that they are plotting to keep you out of the fun. And occasionally, like the story above, those fears are actually right. But more like than not, the following four tip below will save any situation — especially, before we blow shit up for no logical reason.

Sometimes It’s Just A Fluke

More often than not, people just flake out and forget to invite everyone to the party. People are busy with problems, insecurities and general fatigue. Their brains don’t always work as well as they used to! Do yourself a huge favor, and assume this is the case, especially if no one’s been mad at you. In fact, you probably should just ask if you can join in.

Solving Problems

Occasionally, when we are solving intimate problems, we bond with those who can relate the easiest. And if you can recognize that’s all that’s happening (not you actually being left out), then you can find real patience to let it all play out. Sometimes your friends need a different kind of support — and that’s gotta be totally okay.

Don’t Spiral — Ask Questions

If you’re finding that you’re continuously not being asked to join in on the fun — don’t spiral. Ask about it.  It doesn’t have to be confrontational — just say that you miss being in on the fun and gently assert that you’d like to be included next time. Chances are that you’re presence has been missed anyway — and no one has a real answer for why you aren’t there. Shit happens. NBD.

Make New Friends

Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on our friends to be our total source of social interaction. Nah.  You gotta diversify your friendships — the ones you go to for sex advice and the ones you play tennis with. Some for career stuff and ones for prayers and support. This way, when you have a lot of avenues to play with, you can tend to be more patient and balanced with friends going through rough patches.



If things are feeling a bit mental this week — blame Mercury. The planet is conjunct with Mars this week, kicking your thought process into overdrive. This could be the perfect time for gaining a better understanding of yourself and how you relate to the world around you. You might also be the sole voice in the room who can understand even the most complicated of work problems. However, there is the tiny / very likely knowing you, chance that you could take this energy next level and be extra as hell. Try not to beat yourself up for anything, little Ram. We’re all human and perfection is an illusion you don’t need to concern yourself with this week.

Song: Judge Me, K Michelle

Saturn is trine Venus this week — and it’s exactly the vibe you need to improve your game on the down low. Where others might seem to be fighting the worst of elements this week, you should be feeling the better of Saturn’s energy. Look into long term plans if you can, and see what smart investments you can make now. Your ruling planet has a way of bringing the deals and shopping sales your way and this week you’ve got the mojo (for instance, you’d probably kill it shopping at a consignment shop this week.) It’s also a great week for you to look at the way you’ve been jamming on things and add some structure to the way you’re working.

Song: Rupaul, Jealous Of My Boogie

Your planet is doing the Celine Dion most right now, and this week you are going to feel all the benefits. Between her four-some influence with Uranus, Saturn and Aries you can expect to find a little wiggle room in your step this week. Where you may have felt constricted before, the planets are clearing the way for you to see how to solve your problems and get ahead a little differently this week. You might even attract a few new people to help you under this influence this week. My advice for this week would be…  to do the most. For once, it’s really only going to make people and opportunities love you even more.

Song: Alive, Sia

The most important piece of advice that has changed my life this year is something I want to share with you. It almost perfectly sums the answer to all your questions that will inevitably come up this week: No matter what happens, or how it happens, or when it happens, YOU WILL HANDLE IT. Just look back at the events of the year and understand how you fought your way through them all. How you’re still here standing. When Neptune conjuncts with your ruling planet this week, blast any Lady Gaga song of your choice, sing it as on or off key as your heart desires, and know that no matter what — you are the strength of 1,000 lifetimes. You are built to handle anything. You are THAT strong.

Song: The Cure, Lady Gaga

This week you might feel a surge of energy to push an idea forward. And it’s very likely that you can get a lot done — but perhaps not at an expense you’ll like later. Really pay attention to who you ask for favors this week. While there is a chance they could be a bit untrustworthy in the future, the likely outcome is that your pitch is going to be so strong, and so convincing that someone is likely to say yes now, and then back out later. For reasons that may or may not even be your fault (after all, an idea really sells best when it’s fully thought out.) In fact, for your own sake, I’d love if you double checked your ideas this week before you get others on board. This will help protect your interests and relationships for sure.

Song: Passionfruit, Drake

How’s it feel to be the extra cool kid in the zodiac wheel this week? You can expect to feel a bit more wiggle room in places or relationships where you’ve felt a bit stuck this week. In fact, with the help of Saturn and Uranus in your chart this week, it’s a great time for you to even get ahead on some matters that you haven’t been able to think so clearly on. It’s almost as if you’re Neo this week, and The Matrix around you is starting to look clearer than ever. That’s not to say you’ll be able to stop bullets — but you’ve definitely got that je ne sais quoi in your chart this week that’ll turn heads and open doors. Walk through them — this week you are “the one”.

Song: My Way, Ivy Sole

If you’ve been letting the stars guide your heart’s desire this summer, you’re going to find the payoff to be extra sweet this week. Your ruling planet of Venus has sync’d up with Saturn this week and the relationships in your life are coming into full focus this week. Expect the most positive influences of your life make their support and love for you known this week. From an extra Facebook like, to a romantic dinner date, this week those who ride hardest for you will make themselves known loud and clear. Thus making those you’ve been on the fence about for a while now (including work and family), stand out in a way you can’t ignore.

Song: Now or Never, Halsey

The stars have been working with you to repair a lot this summer. So when Mercury conjuncts with your ruling planet this week, try not to pick up on her tendency to get a little defensive. And by all means, don’t get nasty if someone has the nerve to piss in your Cheerios this week. And perhaps what’s most important, is that this week you treat yourself like the shining star that you are. No self loathing. No negative thoughts. What Mercury’s got to say will be quick, decisive and then gone. Don’t let this week take you off your course.

Song: Personal Jesus, Depeche Mode

With your planet opposite Pluto lately, it’s been very apparent to you what you can have and what’s unreasonable. And with Jupiter opposite Uranus, you really don’t want to feel any pressure to back down right now. Consider starting the week thinking of a new side job or a new hobby you’d like to pursue. You’d be wise to temper your impatience with people holding you back this week by having an outlet like this. If you can find another way to express yourself while you wait for your more long term endeavors to pan out, you’ll really enjoy the feeling of balance and control this brings.

Song: Loca — Freemason Radio Edit, Shakria ft. Dizzee Rascal

It’s kind of an exciting week to be you. Your ruling planet is up in everyone’s business right now, leaving you with the kind of energy that people can really trust. Play the role of the listening ear this week and get vital information and build relationships that you can leverage in the near future. It’s a role you know well, being the wise one. But this is more of a listen and learn week — not so much a show everyone everything you know kinda week. That’ll come soon enough.

Song: Kingdom Come, Demi Lovato

Both of your ruling planets are actively helping others out this week and you are very likely to follow their lead. While you might be in the midst of a lot of conversations and exciting people, be sure to plan some solo time every single day this week. Time where you aren’t checking your email and your phone is placed in airplane mode. You’ll be feeling the influence of Mercury this week, and the opportunity to get some major clarity on issues is at your very finger tips. Consider journaling first thing every morning and checking in with yourself for inspiration often. The work of grounding yourself, if you do it this week, will be felt for a long time after.

Song: Wildest Dreams, Taylor Swift

With your ruling planet opposed the sun this week, I want you to grab a little courage and openly check a fool. Someone this week might be taking advantage of your chill vibes, and try to pull the wool over your eyes. It’s their responsibility to treat your with love and respect. It is not your responsibility to absorb the work they can not do for themselves. Do not be a doormat this week and be weary of those who protest too much — if your gut thinks it’s suspect, it probably is. Fight for your shit now, boo.

Song: POWER, Kanye West

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